MPM: S04/E22 - Frosty vs. Santa

Jack Frost | Santa's Slay - Hello everyone! We here at Motion Picture Meltdown hope your enjoying your Holiday season, and eating lots of shit to make you fat like us too! Here we are at week #2 of MPM's Month of Christmas. Unfortunately, Mark had some horse masturbating to do, so this week only Philip and myself get to roast two movies that can only be described as the the true meat and potatoes of what MPM roasting is all about. We podcast Jack Frost and Santa's Slay. In this episode, you'll hear things like  the do's and don'ts when it comes to doing wrestling moves in movies, how to make your own snowman killer from Hobby Lobby supplies, and that Bill Goldberg has to scare his children every night. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E21 -Why's Christmas Gotta Be White?

Black Christmas | Black Christmas (2006) - Happy Holidays, Motion Picture Meltdownites! Welcome to our very first Motion Picture Meltdown: Month of Christmas! This year, Mark, Philip, and myself have decided to devote the entire month of December to Christmas movies! We promise to mix it up and throw in some good with the usual terrible. Each week will be a different part of the special month as we close out our Season 4. But don't worry, we aren't going to break, and are going straight into Season 5 due to all that time we took off last year! Anyway! To kick off our special month, we're roasting the original Black Christmas as well as the 2006 remake. In this episode, you'll hear the likes of distinguishing good classic horror from bad, comparisons with other classic 70's horror flicks, and wow...one of us even liked one of these movies. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E20 - Happy Thankskilling....Again!

Thankskilling 3 | The Gingerdead Man - Happy Thanksgiving Listeners! We know we're a bit late, but we just couldn't leave out this year's special Thanksgiving episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! After all the delicious foods had settled, Mark, Philip, and Myself decided to roast Thankskilling 3, and The Gingerdead Man. Both of these movies were SO bad that we could barely sit through them. Luckily for you, we did, so that you can hear us bitch about them. In this episode we talk about shitty dubstep and techno, ripping off the South Park guys, Gary Busey's removable mouth, and how small serial killers just aren't scary. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E19 - May The Force Be With You In Little Tokyo

Delta Force | Showdown in Little Tokyo - Hello Everyone! Welcome again to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! We're super Americanized in this podcast as Philip, Mark, and myself get our asses kicked by Chuck Norris and Dolph Lundgren as we roast Delta Force and Showdown in Little Tokyo. In this episode, we talk about Irish Catholic Jews, Liam Neeson, why mack-10's are army issued, "Hans" Lundgren's Dick size, and Brandon Lee's ratio of deadness to bad acting. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E18 - Braaaaaaaaaains!

Return of the Living Dead | Return of the Living Dead II - Hello everyone! Thanks for joining us for another fantastic episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! Sorry we've been running a little behind but be prepared to have your eardrums' asses kicked in the next month as I will be putting out more than Jenna Jamison! This episode, Mark, Phil, Travis, and myself, go over a couple of cult classic horror/comedies in Return of The Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead II. In this episode, we'll discuss the logic of eating brains to relieve pain, the anger that enters us when sequels try to ride the coattails to success, and we also talk about the fact that starting over and ruining your own continuity does not make things better. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E17 - Running Out Of Air!

Total Recall (1990) | The Running Man - Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! We here at UC and MPM wish you all the start of a great Holiday season (Our Thanksgiving episode will be posted next week) and soon we will be kicking off a complete Christmas movie December...but first! Adding a couple more to the MPM/Schwarzenegger collection. In this episode, Mark, Travis, Phil, and myself roast The Running Man and Total Recall, some classic Arnold movies. In this podcast we decide what's logical in futuristic films, debate the necessity of scy-fy remakes, and never really fund out what party Rictor was going to. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E16 - The Hulkamania Returns! Again!

No Holds Barred | The Ultimate Weapon - Hello to all you Hulkamaniacs! You guessed it! It's another HULKAMANIA episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! We always knew the Hulkster could stay away from our podcast as he is the MVP. In this episode, Mark, Philip, Travoid, and myself roast two of the NWO founder's worst movies in No Holds Barred and the 1998 made-for-tv The Ultimate Weapon. In this edition, we continue our streak of rape-filled movies, talk about the every-day wardrobe of a wrestler, and decide that Hulk Hogan truly does not know how to speak French. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E15 - Ape-Shit Over Scientology!

Battlefield Earth | Planet of the Apes (2001) - Hello Man-Animals! Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this podcast, Philip, Mark, Travis, and myself watched possibly the absolute worst Sci-Fi movie ever made in Battlefield Earth as well as harp on Tim Burton again from the remake of Planet of the Apes he decided to puke up in 2001.  In this podcast you will learn where "Jumping the shark" came from, you'll see that no matter how good the make-up  and cast are, it just doesn't make up for a shitty storyline and horrible directing, and your mind will be tested with the absolute lack of logic that is Battlefield Earth. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E14 - There Should Only Be None.

Highlander | Highlander: The Quickening - Hello everyone! Welcome to another epic episode of Motion Picture Meltdown!  I know its been a short time since the last release, but we're trying to get back on schedule, and the Halloween episode was kind of a treat (or trick? mwhaha) for you guys. In this episode, Mark, Philip, and myself roast two of possibly the most retarded movies up to date. We roast Highlander and Highlander: The Quickening. In this podcast we go over the pure retardation that is Sean Connery acting as an Egyptian Scottish Spainard, the many non-ethnic faces of Christopher Lambert, being possessed by the devil doesn't compare to a wife's love, and that if you're immortal, you automatically can make subway trains go 500mph. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E13 - The Devil's Eyes

John Carpenter's Halloween | Halloween - Happy Halloween to everyone from Motion Picture Meltdown! To go along with your trick or treating, Mark, Philip, and myself have a great special Halloween episode in store for you! We've gone back to 1978 to depict one of the most inspiring and staple horror flicks of all time, Jon Carpenter's Halloween, as well as go into great comparison and description between it and Rob Zombie's Halloween from 2007. In this episode, we talk about the scare factor of the unknown versus the known background of a serial killer, we compare motive to no motive, and not only do some harping on Rob Zombie's forced vulgarity, but also some natural harping on Cheats. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E12 - The Van Dammathon.

Bloodsport | Kickboxer - Hello once again! Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This week we travel back into my comfort zone, in the cushiony pillowyness of the 1980's as Mark, Philip, Trav and I it up a rarity in the MPM world and take on two martial arts movies, and combine some familiarity as we throw in Jean-Claude Van Damme and roast Bloodsport  and Kickboxer. There's no shortage of Asian racism in this one, as we discuss the full weapons grade bolognium that goes on. We talk about how being able to shimmy doesn't make you a badass, sometimes being the hero costs more money, and lets face it, anyone that gets a coconut dropped on their stomach from 100 feet isn't going to be ok. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E11 - Video Game Movie Smoothie!

Super Mario Bros | Double Dragon - Hey Paizzanos! Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This episode, Mark, Philip, Travis, and myself leave our 80's comfort zone to talk about some of the WORST video game movie adaptations in existence. We all know how bad video game movies are, so when we say the worst, we mean absolutely craptastic! Together we roast Super Mario Bros and Double Dragon! Some things to listen for in this episode are our opinions of of the logic of making a video game movie that has nothing to do with the game, what exactly is so hard about using red and green overalls in the wardrobe, and honestly, those 1990's pump up Reebok's didn't do shit. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E10 - It Happens To The Estevez.

Maximum Overdrive | The Wraith - Hello everyone! Welcome once again to another great episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this episode, Mark, Philip, and myself get back into our comfort zone (the 1980's) and review some serious pieces of crap. With doing a Martin Sheen movie last week, we only felt it natural that we round out the Estevez family as we roast Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive and the ever flamboyant 1986 flick The Wraith, starring none other than seven-gram rock banger himself, Charlie Sheen. In this podcast, you'll hear such things as Philip trying to find logic in a movie about killer machines, some serious creeper responses to rejections, and Mark say the word "Coke" at least 350 times. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E09 - Kiss My Harry Alf.

Harry and the Hendersons | Project: ALF - Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this podcast, we're bored to tears as Mark, Philip, Travis, and myself take on two of America's favorite classic television creatures as we roast Harry and the Hendersons and the 1996 made-for-tv movie Project: ALF. These movies really suck. In fact, they suck so much, that half the podcast doesn't even focus on them! Be prepared to hear some interesting facts about how one of these movies won an oscar, tons of Multiplicity references, and once again, Mark Hinton explains to us exactly what "Squirt" is. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E08 - The Conan O'Barbarian Show

Conan The Barbarian | Conan The Destroyer - Welcome everyone, to another great episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This week, Mark, Philip, Travis, and myself once again take to the 80's (aren't we always in the 80's?) and take a look at two early Arnold Schwarzenegger movies in Conan: The Barbarian and Conan: The Destroyer. Although there are tons of cartoons, toys, comics, and novels made...these two movies go back to the very cinematic roots of Conan. In this week's podcast, we talk about the sheer poorness of making a giant muppet snake, the fact that yes, the audience can tell when a monster is wearing a Halloween mask, and the amount of minutes that should take place between punching animals in the face. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E07 - I Want Candy!

Cool Runnings | Uncle Buck - Hello everyone! Welcome once again to another great episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! We know we're slightly behind, but promise we're working hard to catch up and bring you more great, hilarious episodes to come! In this episode, Mark, Philip, and myself podcast a couple movies starring one of the greatest comedian actor of all-time, John Candy! We go through the 1989 favorite Uncle Buck, as well as the 1993 Disney film, Cool Runnings. In this podcast, we discuss the lack of fat, funny comedians in this day and age, we go over the basics of getting out of going to school, and also come to the agreement that Jamaicans and Brazilians are pretty much the same thing. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E06 - Pee Wee's Podcast!

Pee Wee's Big Adventure | Big Top Pee Wee - Hello again! Welcome to another episode of the fantastical supershow that is Motion Picture Meltdown! This week, Philip, Mark, and myself dive once again into the 80's and enjoy the ride as we roast Tim Burton's  Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and then let the dust settle as we muster up the guts to sit through Big Top Pee Wee. In this episode we go through our Tim Burton do's and don'ts, we go through the ridiculously random cast of the sequel, as well talk about Paul Reubens' fantastic job of solidifying Pee Wee Herman into a pop culture icon. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E05 - The Master of Muppets!

The Dark Crystal | Labyrinth - Hello again, and welcome to another fantastical episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This week, Mark, Philip, and myself dive back into our 80's childhoods once more to swim around in the glitter-filled puppetry that are Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal and The Labyrinth. In this episode we decide the rankings of how good things are by the amount of glitter involved, the fact that you don't even need real actors to make a successful movie, the difference between kids movies today and back then, and that if it looks like a gelfling, and smells like a gelfling, it more than likely is probably a gelfling. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E04 - MPM Mamushka!

The Addams Family | Addams Family Values - Hello everyone! Welcome back to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this week's podcast, Mark, Philip, Travis "Hard-on" and myself go over a couple of classic 90's movies that stem from an even more classic 60's television show. We talk about The Addams Family and Addams Family Values. In this episode, we discuss the sheer brilliance that a perfect cast brings to the table, we tap deep into Philip's child molestor thoughts on Christina Ricci, and all agree on how happy we'd be see to watch Morticia and Elvira GET.IT.ON. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E03 - The MonsTOUR

Little Monsters | The Monster Squad - Hello to all, and welcome to another edition of Motion Picture Meltdown! Mark, Philip, Travis, and myself take a dive back into the 80's to go over a couple of our childhood favorites in Little Monsters and The Monster Squad. We talk about the insanity of 80's logic in making the fat kid the bully, the appreciation for movies that group kids together to become a power to fend off evil, and obviously, the sheer annoyance that IS Howie Mandell. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E02 - Who ya gonna call? Chestbusters!!

Alien | Aliens - Hello everyone! Welcome to this week's episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this episode, Mark, Philip, and myself go over a couple of the best sci-fy movies to ever hit the screen as we go through Ridley Scott's Alien and James Cameron's Aliens. With there not being too much to harp on in these movies, we spend a lot of time talking about the fact that even now, these movies hold up to even the best of the blockbuster films, a couple of interesting tidbits about the directing of Alien, and oh...the size of Sigourney Weaver's 1979 bush. Enjoy!

MPM: S04/E01 - Ernest Goes To Motion Picture Meltdown

Ernest Goes To Camp | Ernest Scared Stupid - Hello all of MPM/UC fans out there and welcome to the new and improved United Cypher Website! This week, Mark, Phil, and myself are kicking off Season 4 with a bang as we roast two of one of most well-know kid's franchise ever, Ernest Goes To Camp, and Ernest Scared Stupid. In this episode, we talk about the pop-culture icon that Jim Varney created in Ernest, the dangers of tampering with troll lore, as well as looking up the origin of Bulgarian Miak. Enjoy!

MPM: S03/E17 - A Nightmare on Stephen, Mark, and Philip's Street (Season Finale)

Nightmare on Elm Street | Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake) - Hello Motion Picture Maniacs! Welcome to the Season 3 Finale of Motion Picture Meltdown! Don't worry though, we're not taking a break between seasons. Mark and myself have done enough sitting on our asses this year, as we originally had wanted a 25-30 episode season for 3. So we're just breaking it up for download and listening purposes for our four listeners out there.

MPM: S03/E16 - Weathering The Hulkamania

Assault on Devil's Island | Assault on Death Moutain - Hello all you Hulkamaniacs, and welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This week, in a valid attempt to just do two Carl Weathers movies, we slid downhill a bit as we found two Carl Weathers movies that also star none other than our most podcasted MPM Hero, Hulk Hogan!

MPM: S03/E15 - Ice To The Third Power!

Anaconda | Ghosts of Mars - Hello again, and welcome to another amazing episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this episode, Mark, Philip, and myself are joined by Travis to rip apart a couple of movies starring maybe the most important member of the NWA, Ice Cube! Gangster Rapper gone terrible actor is no stranger to MPM as we go over Anaconda and John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars.

MPM: S03/E14 -Creature, Creature, Double Feature!

Creature (1985) | Creature (2011) - Hello listeners, and welcome to Motion Picture Meltdown's Double Creature Feature! This week, Mark, Philip, and myself (along with Three-Meats' Cheats in the background) go over the 1985 Sci-fy thriller Creature as well as the new film Creature from 2011.

MPM: S03/E13 - The Dungeon Legend's Master

Legend | Dungeonmaster - Hello once again, to all you valiant knights, princes, and fairies out there! Welcome to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this episode, Mark and I are re-joined by former and now once again full-time MPM co-host Phil "The Kill" Collins (Not from Genesis) as we depict through two movies that are similar in storyline, but not so similar in terms of being good.

MPM: S03/E12 -Dinosorryasses

Theodore Rex | Adventures in Dinosaur City - Hello to our prehistoric podcast listeners!  Mark and I are back as we go to the distant past and dig up two completely fossilized pieces of shit! In this weeks episode we decide to rip apart Theodore Rex, and Adventures in Dinosaur City. Both of these movies were regular rentals of ours when we were kids, and after watching them as adults, we finally understand why we are both as retarded as we are.

MPM: S03/E11 -Swamp People

Swamp Thing | Man Thing - Hey Swamp Asses, welcome again to another episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! This week Mark and I discuss DC Comics' Swamp Thing (1982)  and  Marvel Comics'  Man-Thing (2005). Yet again we roast one of the "the great" Wes Craven's films, talk about the lack of budgets in the early 80's, discuss the amount of Playboy models that filled the movies back then, the awfulness of putting a terrible actor in the part of a terrible accent, and why its impossible for ScyFy to make a decent movie. Enjoy!

MPM: S03/E10 - The Robocalypse!

Deadly Friend | Chopping Mall - Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Motion Picture Meltdown! In this podcast, Travis "Hard-on" joins us as a special guest to roast a couple of 1980's killer robot movies. These include Wes Craven's Deadly Friend  and Chopping Mall.

MPM: S03/E09 - Masters of Punishment!

The Punisher | Masters of the Universe - Welcome back, Motion Picture Maniacs! Mark and I have stayed with our word to continue to be motivated to podcast every week, and this week we've decided to dive back into the late 80's with foreign action star, Dolph Lundgren. We've decided to rip apart the 1989 version of The Punisher as well as the 1987 nerd classic Masters of the Universe.

MPM: S03/E08 - Big Hard Trouble In Little Hawaiian China

Big Trouble in Little China | Hard Ticket to Hawaii - Hello to all you Motion Picture Meltdown maniacs out there! We're back after a not-so-long absence with a brand new podcast (on some better equipment) for ya! This week Mark and I, along with Cheats "Three Meats" McGee go over Big Trouble in Little China, and the piece of trash that is Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

Motion Picture Meltdown Villain Countdown: Kevin Bacon as Sean Nokes (Sleepers)

Villain #23: Kevin Bacon as Sean Nokes

Movie: Sleepers (1996)

Memorable Quote: "Excuse me, what the fuck are you looking at? GET THE FUCK DOWN ON YOUR GODDAMN KNEES AND FINISH YOUR GODDAMN LUNCH! "